“You have to approach dating the same way you would a job: networking,” she said.
They’re not just waiting around for a guy,” added Swider. “I date guys who are nice and smart, but there’s no spark.”If you’ve done any kind of online dating, Swider’s questions probably feel familiar to you.
For the initial consultation — which comes free of both cost and pressure — Swider asked Christy*, a very cool client who agreed to let me sit in on their meeting, a lot of questions. But, the benefit of having a human asking these questions is that you get a chance to explain that which you cannot communicate by ticking boxes on a list.
There is some superficiality to it — she looks for men and women her clients have identified in part on physical traits. “I never want to make a guy think I’m flirting with him.
But, more importantly, her clients ask for someone who’s passionate, honest, “not rude to waiters,” and capable of teaching them something. I need him to know what I’m here for.” When I asked her what made a good matchmaker, she didn’t say anything about knowing a lot of people.
TDR is throwing that idea out the window, bridging the physical and digital dating worlds with its online and in-person services.
In a world where online dating is essentially free, dropping K for the service is expensive.
“I’ve always been no-games when it comes to girls I like. But, that doesn’t really work.” There seems an unwritten rule that when you’re interested in someone, it’s better to pretend you’re not.
Greg, who admirably abandons this silly tactic, still can’t meet a girl. give a new take on matchmaking, it will take time to ditch the lingering stigma of the business altogether (read: only desperate people need matchmakers).
Still, I thought these guys would look uncomfortable when Swider dropped the M-bomb, or at least do that standoffish thing when they’re trying to look cool in front of other guys. It became clearest to me why New Yorkers are in need of TDR when I met Greg*, who happened to be at the networking event.
Swider discovered him through a referral (Goldstein says about 80% of TDR clients are through referrals) and had set him up with some of her clients.
“Guys aren’t traditional the way they used to be,” she explained. Apart from her admittedly terrible taste in television, Christy is a completely eligible bachelorette. You could ask her about her job in the public health field, but she’d rather tell you about the time she spent in Africa building clean-water communities. But, for those living in NYC, she’s one of a growing population of young women unable to meet someone in a city brimming with young hopefuls. ”Christy thinks people in the Big Apple have a very specific problem: “It’s like New Yorkers have Peter Pan syndrome,” she said, speaking to the ways we date a ton but don’t find many actual relationships.